*I wrote this last Thursday and have been too tired or busy to post it. Since I will be 29 weeks tomorrow, I figured I better get this up today!*
I'm feeling nostalgic this week. The boys and I looked through old photo albums yesterday at their baby pictures and dreamed about what Margot may look like. I can't believe those babies are grown up. I am sitting here watching/listening to Owen rustle on the top bunk and whisper while Micah is still sleeping. I know if I go in there, he will refuse to come out with me. He waits on his brother every morning. He doesn't want to play with me anymore, he wants to play with Micah. The boys are best friends. There is a twinge of sadness at this reality, but I prayed for this before I even got pregnant with Owen. We wanted another boy and for our boys to be best friends. What a gift to see these prayers answered. The timing couldn't be more perfect. As my body is becoming bigger, more tired, and less able to get up and down off the hard floor, my boys are self entertaining for most of the day. I watch, referee when needed, and assist with the things that are too complicated for them to figure out. I don't fear the transition of a new baby because I think they are old enough and self-sufficient enough to understand what is happening. They both still like their cuddle time with Mama and playtime with Dada, but not so much that we will have to cut any of it when Margot comes. I remember how sad I was when Owen was born because Micah still walked around saying "Up peeaase, up peeeaase" when I was nursing and changing Owen. There was no way to hold two babies at once. We worked it out, but it was a huge transition for all of us. I know this will be a transition too, I am just praying that it will go a little more smoothly this time.
I am 28 weeks pregnant. I am still having mostly good days with some rough ones thrown in. I can't pinpoint exactly what triggers the bad days. Maybe it is the long stretch of Tuesday-Thursday of Matt working long hours while I manage the boys and house solo. Maybe it is just nothing more than a new batch of hormones here and there. Maybe it is when my lazy baby wiggles herself into a bad/uncomfortable position and proceeds to hang out there for a couple of days (not sure if she is stuck, or just likes it there sometimes). Being pregnant after losing a baby lends itself to all kinds of fears-ones that I daily struggle to give to the Lord. I never know if her lessened activity is reason for concern or if I should count movements the times she doesn't move a muscle (I think she sleeps like a rock already). As a dear friend told me recently "since we can't control if something bad were to happen anyway, let it suck then. Don't waste time letting it suck now." Amen! I try to remind myself to spend this time rejoicing in my sweet baby girl. I can't wait to meet her, see if she really is this laid back, smell her, kiss her cheeks off, etc. I keep thinking 11 more weeks-wow we are almost there! And then my next thought is 11 more weeks, how am I ever going to make it? Thought I would type a list of sorts as far as pregnancy memory type things I want to remember:
(I'm sure there are many, many more-but thinking is one of the things on the back burner these days. We are just trying to stay fed, clean, etc. Extra thinking is optional, and I usually opt out-not sure if this is voluntary or involuntary. Speaking of, if I have lost all of you by now due to my incomprehensibility, that's okay. My brain will make its way back into the picture one day, I'm sure.)
-Food is not fun this pregnancy. I have either felt sick, not hungry, had indigestion or heartburn, or not cared to eat for lack of anything that sounds good. Note: This has NEVER happened to me before. If anything ever sounds good, I rush to eat it before it sounds terrible or before I start feeling yucky. The upside of this is that I have gained a little under 20 pounds. This is about 10 pounds less than with the boys at this stage, so maybe it will be ten less to lose postpartum. The one thing that has sounded good almost every night since week 20 is vanilla ice cream. I eat it almost every night, either alone or with various fruits or nuts.
-I sleep like a rock with very vivid dreams from 11-7 every night. I think this is because I am in constant motion from 8-5 during the day. This is the only pregnancy I haven't taken a daily nap. Alas, aside from getting up to go to the bathroom, I am sleeping very soundly at night which is a huge plus.
-My feet have grown, probably about half a size. I heard this could happen during pregnancy, but have never experienced it. I'm wondering if they will return to my normal size or if I might be investing in some new shoes this fall. Summer shoes are fine, my toes just come to the very edge!
-Margot moves about half as much as I remember either of the boys moving. I wonder if this is because she is not as strong or not as active. I also wonder how much of this will play out when she is on the outside. Of course, as I type this she is fluttering away making me doubt this statement!
- I am having tons of fun shopping for little girl things and imagining playing dolls, dress-up, kitchen etc. It will be fun to see the difference in girls and boys first hand.
-We spend most mornings outside watching the boys play with water balloons and getting splashed. I thought I would die from heat exhaustion as I have never been pregnant in the summer before. I have been surprisingly not that hot-even at night when trying to sleep. I have been extremely thirsty and was told I was dehydrated at my last OB visit. I have been trying to drink extra to compensate, but my little bladder dancer makes this difficult.
-One huge plus to being pregnant in the summer is swimming. Who knew how great a cool pool would feel to a tired, pregnant body?
-I love this little girl to pieces. Even though I don't love being pregnant, being pregnant with her is pure joy, albeit exhausting and trying.