Thursday, August 26, 2010

My Nephew

My brother's wife is pregnant with a little boy, Tyler, who is due just two days after Margot! I went to his baby shower a couple of weeks ago and had such a fun time watching Jessica open all the gear she will need for this little guy. It was so exciting to remember being a mom for the first time. I am so happy for my brother and sister-in-law (and so happy for me as this is my first blood related nephew)!

I was admiring Tyler's adorable onesie during the shower. Little did I know that Jessica had gotten one just like it for Margot. We agreed that these two will look adorable side-by-side in their sweet monogramed clothes.
This was the delicious cake that Margot and I got to sample while there. Within a few minutes of finishing my piece, she had a fierce case of hiccups. Supposedly, babies can taste sweets in the amniotic fluid, and I think she must have gulped in her fair share!
Here is Jessica, my sister-in-law with all the amazing gifts.
Posing with our matching bellies. Jessica is one of the few people I know who is shorter than me and they think Tyler is measuring on the big side. I know she is getting ready to have that boy because I sure feel out of room these days!

Saturday, August 21, 2010


The boys have kept me rolling in laughter this summer. They are really interacting a lot with each other, and I love to sit back and listen to what they come up with. They are also so curious to figure out the world, so they talk my ear off and ask tons of questions. They are especially enamored with:

Lightning-will it burn them up, what if they are under an umbrella-then will it burn them up, what about in the house? car?

Wasps, bees, etc. -Will they sting me? Will it hurt? Has mama or dada been stung before? How to protect themselves. Owen was walking around the yard with his water gun shooting all the bad guys. He said "don't worry, Micah. If a wasp ever tried to stung you, I'll just shoot him away with my gun!"

Different skin colors-Owen exclaimed at the beach "Mama, that man is all brown!" He was so impressed and curious. I asked him what color he was. He looked at his arm and said "yellow?" We talked a lot about different colors of hair, skin, eyes, etc. They still love to point out every "brown" person we pass. I just wish it wasn't a social stigma and so embarrassing, because they are just stating the obvious. Lots of lessons have lately been about when it is appropriate to talk about these things and when they need to hold their tongue.

Different body shapes- (think fat, thin etc. Thanks Margret Rey for introducing my boys to the "fat man" in Curious George Flies a Kite.) Micah saw a larger gentleman, pointed, and said "look at that ridiculous guy! He is squirted up into a ball." I squirted down into my chair and gave him a quick lesson on manners. He thankfully remembered the next time and held his tongue after "look at that...." I was proud of him for his self restraint ;) "Squirted up into a ball" is something they came up with when blowing up their countless water balloons. Side note: ridiculous is a word the boys use for EVERYTHING. They call Matt a ridiculous guy, so no harm was meant. Micah is actually very sensitive and tender hearted and has tried to not say things out loud anymore for fear of hurting someone's feelings.

Keys and door locks-Why other keys can't unlock our doors, why you don't need keys to unlock inside doors but can use other household objects. The boys have been locking every door in my house and have turned just about anything into a "key." I have to walk around with a coin in my pocket because, sure enough, I will be locked out in a precarious situation. Owen said to me today: "Mama, if you need to go poopy, just tell me and I'll unlock the door with my quarter." Umm...thanks buddy!

Heaven- why they can't leave there, when they will go there, what it will look like, who/what will be there, etc. Micah said: "I think we can't leave because they lock the door with a key" He also wondered: "Will I have my blanket there? Will I have a new blanket there? Will it be even more luxuriouser than mine?" One day I said that eating a coin could make Owen choke. Micah said "it's okay, then he would just go to Heaven!" Love that child-like faith, but I then tried to explain that I just wasn't ready for him to go to Heaven yet.

Getting "pushed out" (as in from the birth canal)- I think Matt may have been a little graphic in his choice of words while describing how Margot would get here :) Micah has told us: "I am five because I was pushed out in 2005!" He has also inquired as to when all the rest of us were "pushed out."

Going to sleep-how do you do it? Micah said last night: "I don't have to try to close my eyes. It automatically happens, and then it is morning!"

Making ice cream-Micah asked: "Is that how we get milk? We just let the ice cream melt?" I'm pretty sure we have covered where milk comes from, but I guess he got a little confused! Owen then exclaimed "when my ice cream (which is really sorbet) melts, it makes juice!" Both boys are very excited that we are soon to get an ice cream maker, so that we can make our own ice cream/sorbet. It can get pretty pricey, especially for Owen who has to have "real fruit" sorbets with no added ingredients.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Short and Sweet

One night we had a couple of our favorite friends over to play water balloons. They drenched themselves! While we were waiting for clothes to dry, they soaked in a warm tub. Love those sweet little ones!

Thursday, August 05, 2010


To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.

-C.S. Lewis

So, it is happening. I am falling in love with Margot. I think about her constantly; I long to see her and touch her; I love every little move and kick because I know she is alive and thriving. I have unintentionally put up a bit of a barrier this pregnancy. I know I am subconsciously trying to protect myself from the pain of losing another baby, so I have distanced myself in a way-just trying to make it through the agonizing 40 week period of growth till I get to meet this sweet daughter of mine. Lately though, I am feeling vulnerable. I know it is because there is no way to put up defenses any longer. I feel her hiccups and I want to pat her back, I feel her heel in my ribs and I want to kiss her tiny toes, I feel her shake her head on my bladder and I want to cradle it in my arms. I am falling in love with our daughter, and it is scary. I am struggling every day to trust the Lord with Margot's life. He has her in the palm of His hand, he has ordained her days before one of them came to be. I know there is nothing I can do but trust Him, but it is hard. He drug me through the trenches this past year. I experienced pain and sadness I didn't know possible. I have felt at times that I wanted to die along with our baby boy. I have been faithless and a horrible representative of Christ whom I boldly claim with my mouth. My heart just hasn't been in it-I have been angry, doubtful, you name it. How do you trust the Lord when you know He may take your baby away? How do you place confidence in the One that took a tiny life just a year ago? I feel like Lucy in Narnia trembling before meeting the Lion and wondering if he is safe. "Safe? Of course he isn't safe. But he is GOOD... he is the King!" The beauty of all this, and what the Lord has been teaching me is that it isn't about my incredible abilities to hold on to this faith I have been given. He has picked me up, refreshed my soul, given me faith when I thought all I had was gone, given me joy when I thought I may never feel it again. He has see me through because He is faithful, not me. I am relearning that He bought me with a price, he has chosen me to be His daughter, He loves me because of what His son did for me on the cross. Experiencing His grace again just like the early days of becoming a Christian has been a beautiful thing. I am so thankful for this gift I have been given amidst all the pain and sorrow I have been trudging through. And I am thankful for the love I have for Margot, for this vulnerability -because no matter what happens tomorrow, the time I have spent loving her is not wasted. She is a precious gift to be loved. Oh come quickly, sweet girl!