Strong Willed

Oh the joys of parenting a strong willed child. Honestly, I am only just learning that Micah is "strong-willed." It masked itself when he was a baby as just sad, something was hurting, desperately shy, etc. I had a very hard time with him. I was very prideful about having children. I knew from the time I was 3 that I wanted babies and lots of them. Well three months into having my first child and I was a wreck. The Lord brought me to my knees quickly and showed me, again, that this was going to take reliance on His grace, not my own good efforts. Things were not going the way I always imagined them. My baby that I wanted everyone to love on and enjoy would hardly let anyone but me touch him. If I left the room, he knew it and would cry. If it was even remotely close to feeding time, he would cry like he was the hungriest baby alive. He would scream bloody murder every time we rode in the car. The Lord has used Micah to mold me in so many ways. He humbles me every day as I run to Him and beg for help. I never thought having children would be soooooooo challenging. I also never imagined that Matt and I (probably two the least strong-willed people out there) could produce a child in such need of control and so stubborn. Matt and I want to please, don't have strong preferences, would rather others make our decisions and do the really hard work for us. Although we can have intense feelings, (and I am certainly a discontent perfectionist) we just have a hard time understanding Micah, especially his need for control. When Micah is good, he is really really good; when he is having a hard day-watch out! I remember learning that when you get married, you get the opportunity to see the world through someone else's temperament. And that because of this, you become more Christ-like. I know that the Lord's purposes in putting our family together is beyond my ability to fully grasp, but I think that one thing he wants is for me to be able to see the world through another temperament's eyes. We now have a "doer" in our family. Micah loves having projects to do, things to figure out. He is intense and thinks deeply. He will not be easily persuaded. We love him more than words. I love this journey even though I am often exhausted by noon. I constantly second guess myself, and feel immense pressure to do everything "right." There is that perfectionist! We are working on things to help mainly with my frustration. I try not to nag Micah and constantly remind him to do something, but instead make eye contact and explain what I want him to do and the consequences for not following through. We try to explain to him the authority we have over him is God-given. He has a job to do, and that is to obey his parents in all things. We have learned how to avoid giving commands that we don't care to follow through with. We have learned to use a timer because it is easier for him to stay on track. The one thing that is still very hard is nap time. Micah either takes a three hour nap (and then wants to be up all night) or takes no nap at all. There is that intensity. Micah is either hot or cold, but one thing is for sure: Micah is never luke warm. The days with no naps are challenging for me. I know what the evening will look like, and I dread it. I feel sad that Matt has to come home to a cranky boy, and I get angry that he won't just lay down and rest. After all, a nap is a dream come true for me for Pete's sake! Here is a picture of one of the ridiculous nap days. I think we went to wake him at 7:00. We laugh as we think "most kids are going to bed right now, and our's is just waking from his nap." I guess the bright side is that soon enough he won't need a nap. By the way, today is a nap day hence the long post.