Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Mommy Guilt
Do any of you ever get that little feeling in the back of your mind that you are doing it all wrong. I often analyze these feelings because it is good to consider "Am I doing something wrong or are these irrational thoughts." Really I am just kind of rambling in this post, but lately I get this feeling that I am not teaching Owen enough: couldn't Micah pick out the red cheerio from the green one by now, and point to all his body parts, etc. Yes, probably, but I also had lots of undivided attention to give to him. Now, I have two to watch, twice as many meals to make and bodies to clothe. Then I think, am I doing a good job teaching the boys to love each other, am I losing my patience too much, should I be enforcing stricter rules about not dawdling (my biggest pet peeve with Micah right now) or not screaming (Owen's new act of defiance), or am I being too strict about it. Should I make an effort to stay home more even though, by 11:00, I am about to go nuts. The truth is there is no rule book of exactly how to raise children detail by detail. Believe me, I have done my fair share of reading to try to find it. There is no scale of "what can your child do" to validate you as a parent because that is not where we get our value and self worth. I know that learning things is important, but I also know that Owen is learning much about life that Micah couldn't at his age because he was the only one. Owen learns to play more independently and learns how to interact with another child. I also know that more than numbers, letters, and colors, I want my boys to learn about the Lord and how loving and trusting Him plays out in our day to day lives. I know that being here all day caring for them and praying for them and learning about who they are so that I can help shape their character by showing them how to use their strengths and downplay their weaknesses is so much more important than checking off a to do list. I fall short of the mark everyday. I say things I shouldn't, I lose my cool. But I know that His grace is sufficient for me, I know that I must rely on His strength, not mine. I know that I have to push away my anxiety about being the perfect parent, so that I can be a better parent.
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4 comments:
i feel the same way so often. Thanks for sharing your heart!
first: you are an AMAZING mother--to both boys!!
second: you're right. we ALL make mistakes in our role as parent. but without those mistakes we wouldn't learn all that we do, we wouldn't rely on the Lord like we do, we wouldn't be able to teach our children as well as we can.
i know i fall desperately short each day. BUT the Lord chose US to be the parents of these little ones--He is full of grace, and will use us for His glory DESPITE our shortcomings!
awesome post! i so relate! love you.
Thanks guys! Glad to know I am not the only one.
Thanks for your encouraging post and comment! We are obviously in the same boat with our kids and our desires. Two little things that I can relate to these days (big time!). One is the dawdling. Ellie can put her clothes on completely by herself now. So I will lay out her clothes in plenty of time and ask her to put them on. I leave the room to do something and come back and they are still lying there. (She's usually busy doing something else) I usually ask her waaay too many times before I spank, but I find it hard to spank sometimes when it isn't a really defiant act. Although I know, from much experience, that until I nip it in the bud, it will just continue. Also, we almost always have to have an outing during the day. I absolutely know what you mean about getting out. That is why we end up spending way too much money on lunch out-because it is just the easy and fun thing to do to get out of the house around that time. By the way-you do sound like a great mom to your boys!
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